Not
a Good Enough Mother
Once
upon a time I dreamed of being a mother,
A loving marriage to have in the future,
A future full of love, happiness and laughter,
Never thought I would be not a good enough mother.
When I was older life was different to my dreams,
Single and pregnant I want to be a mother by any means,
Having a job and ready to be a mother wasn't seen,
Never thought I would be not a good enough mother.
A loving marriage to have in the future,
A future full of love, happiness and laughter,
Never thought I would be not a good enough mother.
When I was older life was different to my dreams,
Single and pregnant I want to be a mother by any means,
Having a job and ready to be a mother wasn't seen,
Never thought I would be not a good enough mother.
My parents were angry I couldn't abort,
Not listening to what I thought,
The discussion that followed was very short,
Never thought I would be not a good enough mother.
The adoption agency was coercive,
The trust I had at first short lived,
Frightened and alone without support,
Never thought I would be not a good enough mother.
My dream of being a mother swiftly dying,
At night alone in my bed crying,
Emotionally shutting down and sighing,
Never thought I could be not a good enough mother.
Life went on, the pain has never died,
Dreams never coming true of being a mother,
My emptiness I could only hide,
Never thought I could be not a good enough mother.
My dream of meeting my son one day,
Came true, my fears began sway,
Could I now prove I could be a good mother?
Never thought I could be not a good enough mother.
Happiness, sadness, depression and pain.
What else could I gain?
My son I love so much I can claim,
Never thought I could be not a good enough mother.
Dreams of happiness have been shattered,
My son expected a perfect mother,
I tried my best and yet could not do enough,
To my son I am not a good enough mother.
Philippa Hope-Hornsey
