My wishes for 2013

- that expectant mothers aren't given coercive advice from adoption agencies. 
- that expectant mothers are given counselling it's non biased and adoption isn't mentioned.
- that expectant mothers are encouraged to parent by family and friends.
- that mothers who were coerced into surrendering are believed / not accused of lying
- that people accept that mothers do regret decisions without insulting them and telling them they deserve what they get.

I could go on and I may do in later posts but fir now I am keeping it simply.  I am also suffering being told that I should shut up about the dark side of adoption.  For far too long people have tried to beat me down over telling my story as it doesn't 'help adoption'.  I continually get told I am unhelpful, that I am rigid in my thoughts, I am a troll with multiple accounts on Yahoo, I am anti adoption, a liar and so on. My response is that it's good that I am upsetting people's view that adoption is wonderful.   I live in the real world and I talk about my experiences.  I have been educated by all sorts of people including adoptive parents.  I am also a mother who was coerced, I have seen the damage adoption has done to my son, I have family members who have adopted internationally, cousins who are the internationally cousins, I have friends whom I love even though they don't realize that have adopted, foster carers, adoptees and formerly fostered adults.  I haven't met a number of them and live in hope that I do

Reunion

Reunion

Reunion was something I never expected,
A dream I couldn't allow myself,
If it happened then be deeply regretted,
A dream to be put on a high shelf.

Enduring the years with regret in my heart,
Wishing I had support and been stronger,
That I could relive that time with me son a part,
Knowing that I could only ever ponder.

Unhappiness deep in my soul, my very being,
A happy face for the world to see,
A pain deep inside like a tide never receding,
Never showing the complete and real me.

Nobody to talk to who would understand,
My silence was my invisible wall,
Until the day I found my son, a shock for me,
Wanting to be brave, not wanting to fall.

I wasn't prepared for what was to follow,
Pain, joy, sadness, love, so many emotions,
Nothing could replace the years of sorrow,
Or prepare me for our future conversations.

Our reunion hasn't been so perfect,
Words that have been spoken,
That cannot be taken back then perfected,
Wanting the time over again.

Nobody knows the damage done to two souls,
Until it is too late for mother and child,
One old enough to remember, taking a toll,
The other too young, oh child of mine.

My Love For You

My Love For You

My love for you is so very deep,
You'll never know how I do,
The times I have wanted to leap,
And hug you so tightly right through.

My love for you started before you were born,
Growing inside of me I loved you so much,
Knowing one day I may have my love torn,
Not knowing that my misfortune would turn to luck.

My love for you hasn't diminished just grown,
You have always been part of my heart,
How was I to know how life would be thrown,
Never thinking that in my life you would play a part.

My love for you is as deep as it can get,
You will always be part of my life forever,
Will you ever realize how much this has set,
Within my heart for you and for all eternity.

Philippa Hope-Hornsey