Forever the bad guy...!

Yes, that's right I am the bad guy yet again on Y!A, may favourite place to see insults flying about, rudeness and offensive comments being made.  The latest thing to set me of into a major vent is to do with a question I asked http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AuOIk5uF1yr8QXGS4PKLgvwgBgx.;_ylv=3?qid=20121026033018AAMuCkG

What 'kicked it off' this time was me responding to somebody about another person's answer.  The answer that started it was:

"It's a tabloid. 99% bs. How anyone can believe them is beyond me. Same goes for biased websites. Now give me an honest newspaper and an unbiased website, and I'll read all tge stuff for and against adoptions."

The article I linked to my question came from the Daily Mail which just so happened to be the first online paper  I read that morning.  The person who picked up on the answer pointed out that the article was also in The Telegraph which is a reputable newspaper which I used to read regularly but it is pro social workers.  Although it can be argued there is nothing wrong with that.  However British social workers have a bad reputation for snatching children who should remain with their parents and not taking the children who should be removed from their parents.  I will always stand by one abused / dead abused child is one too many.  This doesn't excuse social workers not returning children to their parents when it has been proven the parents are innocent.

She also asked if I was going to block the person who gave the answer which I have.  I pointed out in my response to this person that the one who gave the answer has this included in her 'About me':

'As for blocking people, I only block worthless people.'

This person blocks everybody who disagrees with her which includes me so I said  I wondered we she had answered my question when I am a worthless person.  Even though I suffer with low self esteem and little confidence I know I'm not worthless. I simply blocked this person because when she has answered my questions she has been rude.  Blocking her doesn't stop here reading my answers but it stops her giving rude answers to my questions which usually don't answer my question either.  I find this disruptive and pointless.

Another person took it into her head that I was being spiteful based on my comment.  I don't know why she couldn't have just asked me instead of assuming I was just being spiteful.  I chose to ignore this comment:

"@Pip: How very sad you would "block" someone just because you do not like their answers. Did I say that I was the only one. No I just brought up an alternative way to look at the situation other than automatically jumping to the conclusion that the adoptive parents were automatically at fault. As for you and Frockney blocking me, go ahead. It will only prove that you do not have the courage of your conviction or and the ability to defend them. Ahhhh ain't censorship grand."

I don't block people because I don't like their answers as I usually ignore them.  Sometimes I report answers if they have been exceptionally rude / offensive / attacking.  I only have one person blocked and the others are multiple accounts owned by one person who is a troll.  I haven't block this person  as her remark was juvenile and jumping to conclusions.  I have relatives and friends who have adopted who are decent people.  I don't even lump all adoptive parents together on Y!A as most are decent people.  There may be times when I may disagree with them but I still respect them as they are decent nor do I expect them always to agree with me either.  With regard to the article I wasn't even blaming the scam for being victims.  I actually felt sorry for them.  What some people were missing the point on was that a baby was involved in the scam.  The article was based on how it affected the couple without a thought for the baby.

I also received a message from the same person who made some awful assumptions about me yet she should know me better from my answers on Y!A.  I will comment be some of the comments:

Maybe I wouldn't be so "madly" pro-adoption if you would realize that not all people aren't meant to be parents. ~  I have never, ever said that all parents who have children are meant to be parents.  Maybe this person is blinded by the fact that when I say that I also say there are adopters who should never had been allowed to adopt.

I don't even know why I am trying to explain this to you since you are so wrapped up in your own tragedy you can't see anything else but that. ~ I'm not wrapped up in my own tragedy.  It is a reality and a fact that should never have happened in the first place.

I really wish you would spend some times with some of these children, learn what real abandonment and fear is. ~ This is in reference of children who have been abused.  I have spent time with children  that have been abused.  One includes a 9 year old child who was abused by a babysitter.  Why this person should assume I have never spoken to an abused child is beyond me.  If she had asked politely she would have got a less heated response back from me.

I use to feel sorry for you..even though I thought you bore some responsibility..but now I don't. ~ I don't want her pity and have never wanted anybody's pity.  All I have ever wanted is for people to believe me.

You have revealed yourself to be as spiteful as anyone else. ~ I wasn't being spiteful and explained in my message why I blocked the person.  The person I blocked has made my life a misery for months by calling me a liar, repeatedly tells me she doesn't believe my story and has even accused me of being a troll with multiple accounts.  Every time I have politely defended myself only for her to turn it back on me and say I started it.  She has made a good job of playing the victim despite being picked up bullying me in the first place.  So, I have been put in my place like a naughty little girl that people can be spiteful towards me and I'm expected to rollover and take it.  Like a naughty little girl who is strong willed I shall carry on defending myself. 

I told you once before to seek help and to learn about forgiveness before it ate you up but you haven't. ~  Some people can be so arrogant.  She is not qualified to tell me to seek help which I did long before I ever went onto Y!A.  The counsellor I saw told me she learned from me on how to help mothers who have surrendered.  I gained far more from other mothers who have surrendered.  They were the ones who helped me learn how to cope and that it is okay to talk about my experiences.  Unfortunately some people want to shout me down and stop me from talking.  I don't understand why they see me as a threat.  It's acceptable for them to speak of their experiences so they should respect my right to speak as well.  My parents did a good job on me to silence me for 23 years.  Subsequently it took time for me to sort my head out.  I refuse to be silenced by faceless strangers who have crossed my path on the internet.  She also chooses to ignore the fact that I have publically forgiven those who have hurt me.  I asked her in my response whom I am supposed to forgive.  Not surprisingly I haven't had a response back nor go I expect one back.  What can I expect though from someone  who doesn't know me, hasn't got a clue what she is talking about and yet thinks she knowa me better than I know myself?

      

 Do you really think it is healthy to pick at your wounds every single day, over and over and over? ~ Sharing my experiences isn't licking my wounds, it's telling it as it is.  I might even educate someone along the line and it may encourage someone to parent instead of surrendering.

Get help Pip because whether or not you know it or realize it, this site is making you sicker. ~ This just made me laugh; if this is the best she can do then she obviously can't think of a good reason to warn me off.  

Being positive....

Today I feel more positive.   To add to my woes of late I found a lump just above my right leg rwo weeks ago after Rick and I had our photo shoot for the article that is being written.  My skin had been itchy anyway but round that area it also felt a bit tender.  I do suffer with stress / depression related rashes which are either itchy and inflamed or the skin is dry.  Until the lump appeared I wasn't worried but it got larger.  Yesterday I saw a locum doctor rather than the one I usually see.  She knows my medical history whereas the locum doesn't.  He made notes on the computer and examined me then came to the conclusion I have an infection so prescribed cream for the rash.  I found it a bit frustrating as he completely disregarded what I told him about the rash being on ongoing problem.  He also only checked recent medical history.  The doctor told me that if it isn't any better after a week and the lump is still there to go back.  I'm not worried about the rash as it's on ongoing problem that I have learned to live with.  What I am worried about is the lump even though it isn't painful most of the time.  I suffer with a dull ache with it when I have been active.

I know I am a bit anxious about the article and what sort of reaction it will bring out in people.  The past ones have had positive feedback as they have been about reunion and how we dealt with the lows as well as the highs.  This time it's a catch up one which is more to do with the lows.  I love my son very much and I will never regret finding him.  The 'but' is I have had moments when I have wished I hadn't found him due to the heartbreak reunion has caused.  That sounds cruel but it isn't meant to be I am just trying to be honest.

Pre reunion it was easy for me to have my fantasy that my son was happy and had a great life.  That he was okay with being adopted or even that he didn't know.  Finding my son was the happiest day of my life as I knew he was alive, well and believed that he wanted to know me.  Nothing had prepared either of us for reunion so I accept that it wasn't easy for either of us.  We are probably too much alike, more than we had expected.  I wanted reunion to work with all my heart so having to deal with the dark side hasn't been easy.  Even when I have wished that I could have carried on with the fantasy deep down I have been even more certain that I did the right thing contacting my son.  He has had closure and found out medical information.  I know he has finally settled, has a job, has a house and is a father.  If we hadn't had that contact neither of us would have had closure.

The past couple of weeks have just been particularly bad for me emotionally (depression and health), the cyber bullying and finding out information the way I did.  I also fear a backlash for being honest about reunion even though I love my son and don't regret reunion.  The knowing is far better than not knowing.  I would rather know my son is alive no matter what he thinks of me than not knowing or worse still that he had died.

Cyber bullying at its worst

In all the years I have been using the internet I haven't had any problems with cyber bullying until last year.  There have been times I have fallen out with people and we've either made up or ignored each other afterwards.

The cyber bullying started on Y!A by someone using the name 'Alice' who claimed to be a natural mother who surrendered a daughter, is married and had a step daughter.  She claimed to have some contact with her daughter but it was a mutual decision not to pursue the relationship.  'Alice' claimed that she was going to adopt her step daughter whom she had been a 'mother' too since being married to her father.  She also claims to work in the adoption field and her tag line is adoption is a labour of love.  Quite quickly she started attacking me claiming I was a liar, I hadn't been coerced and my son didn't want to know me because he knows I'm a liar.  'Alice' also had a follower, 'pocmoz32' that is very possibly an altered ego but I can't prove that.  This 'person' was equally annoying in the attacks.  It stopped for several months.

Earlier this year it started up again but this time 'Alice' came back as '?' but all the regulars knew who it was because of her tagline.  Now, apparantly, the step daughter had died so would explain the silence although there are users who disbelief a lot of what she claims is going on in her life.  I have accepted it.  Over the past few months the attacks have intensified, been malicious and downright hurtful.  I am now a twisted liar, my son went to Canada to run away from me and my lies and I have been caught out on my lies.  The final straw was '?' posting links in questions to prove that I have been caught out.  The last question was in reference to the first part of the youtube video of the This Morning interview and asking if this was a case of coerced / forced adoption.  The interview was about reunion and the subsequent problems we went through.  It wasn't about coerced / forced adoption so the interview as no relevence to this types of adoption.  It left me in a dreadful state and I kept breaking down over the weekend.  Due to the complaints questions have been removed and most of the comments.  Only one or two remain.

I was at that point that I wanted to withdraw my presence from online as much as possible.  The intention to jack it all in over speaking out about adoption was a very real intention.  I was on a virtual nervous breakdown and only stopped myself from overdosing because we had our friends children over.  That was my life saver!  Since then I have had so much support that it has been overwhelming.  I will be eternally thankful to everybody who has supported me over the past few days.  You all deserve a medal and a huge 'thank you' from me