Wednesday, 21 November 2012
.... of getting messages from people who don't believe I was coerced into surrendering my son.
"I find it interesting that you feel the right to bash adoption in general and discount the millions of happy adoption stories because of your own guilt and hangups. If a woman chooses to give up her child, it's her fault if she regrets it later. Can you explain to me how you were "coerced" into giving up your son?"
Classic example that it's easier to live in blissful ignorance and that adoption is wunnerful farting unicorns. As usual I really have hang ups and feel guilty so feel I have a right to bash adoption in general. After all what right do I have? What experience do I have?
According to happy adoptoland I wanted to surrender my son as I wanted him to have two parents. Of course my dear beloved mother would have loved to have helped me but she was too ill to help.
According to reality I was bullied and lied into surrendering. My mother was a liar as she didn't want to help me and amazingly she was fit enough to look after my niece who is two years older than my son.
I have every right to bash adoption in general as I have lived with it on a personal level for 31 years. I also have cousins who were adopted, their adoptive father is my dad's 1st cousin. I have friends that were adopted and I have got to know other adoptive parents.
This person got a message back telling her I wasn't going to waste my time educating someone who obviously doesn't want to be educated. I had to send another message because of the limit on words with a link to my story I wrote sometime a go with an update but asked the person not to bother responding unless she was prepared to be educated.
The message was in regard to her question at http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AvOUIncLl8jQdVnToSl8n4Lty6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20121119143711AAPbv0i with the title Why is it so "selfish" for a beautiful woman to want to ruin her body?
The title of the question says it all and I'm supposed to be the one with problems!!!!! *Mumbling under my breath that I would rather be me than a vain woman who wants to adopt because she doesn't want to "ruin" her body*
After responding I then got two lots of comments aimed at me the first being this:
"Pip, there are plenty of women all over the world (not just the U.S.) who don't want to/can't take care of their children. What's selfish about adopting a little girl from Korea or Sudan who would otherwise have a horrible life? Can you explain that to me please? Do you know how lucky women are to be born in the United States? If you were a slave in a rice patty or a brothel for your whole life you would be wishing someone had adopted you."
My being me stuck up for myself and pointed that I'm not American nor am I stupid. I pointed out that I have three cousins who were adopted from third world countries. If they hadn't been adopted they would have been raised by extended family. I also pointed out there are other ways of helping children without actually adopting them. As a side note I forgot to mention in my response that if she is so concerned about these children why isn't she doing something to change their lives.
The second was:
" Whatever Pip, your issues are not my problem. 2 of my close girlfriends are adopted and I've known many other adopted people, they and their parents are all very happy. You were "coerced" into giving up your son? If you really loved him you would have died before you let anyone take him from you. Sounds like you aren't fit to be a mother anyway. Don't knock adoption in general because of your own guilt and hangups. I'm not talking about forcibly taking anyone's kid for gods sake. If a woman chooses to give up her child then that's her fault if she regrets it later."
So yet again somebody thinks they know it all just because they know adopted people. Just because she knows these people doesn't make her an expert the same as it doesn't make me an expert either. The huge difference between me and her is that I do know what it is like to be coerced into surrendering. I do know some of the tactics as they were used on me. I also believe other mothers because I know what happened to me. This ignorant little madam hasn't got a clue and because she doesn't her mind is closed to the real truth. Nothing I tell her will change her mind and I doubt she will read the links I supplied or read The Girls Who Went Away by Ann Fessler. I did point out Ann Fessler is an adoptee who has found her mother.
This comment was well and truly below the belt "Sounds like you aren't fit to be a mother anyway." but sadly didn't surprise me. What point is there for me telling her exactly what happened to me as I don't think she will believe that my son's adoption was illegal morally and in legal terms. His father didn't sign away his rights for a start without anything else that was done to make sure the adoption went through therefore illegal.
So another vent over and done with!!!!!