Friday, 26 October 2012

Forever the bad guy...!

Yes, that's right I am the bad guy yet again on Y!A, may favourite place to see insults flying about, rudeness and offensive comments being made.  The latest thing to set me of into a major vent is to do with a question I asked;_ylt=AuOIk5uF1yr8QXGS4PKLgvwgBgx.;_ylv=3?qid=20121026033018AAMuCkG

What 'kicked it off' this time was me responding to somebody about another person's answer.  The answer that started it was:

"It's a tabloid. 99% bs. How anyone can believe them is beyond me. Same goes for biased websites. Now give me an honest newspaper and an unbiased website, and I'll read all tge stuff for and against adoptions."

The article I linked to my question came from the Daily Mail which just so happened to be the first online paper  I read that morning.  The person who picked up on the answer pointed out that the article was also in The Telegraph which is a reputable newspaper which I used to read regularly but it is pro social workers.  Although it can be argued there is nothing wrong with that.  However British social workers have a bad reputation for snatching children who should remain with their parents and not taking the children who should be removed from their parents.  I will always stand by one abused / dead abused child is one too many.  This doesn't excuse social workers not returning children to their parents when it has been proven the parents are innocent.

She also asked if I was going to block the person who gave the answer which I have.  I pointed out in my response to this person that the one who gave the answer has this included in her 'About me':

'As for blocking people, I only block worthless people.'

This person blocks everybody who disagrees with her which includes me so I said  I wondered we she had answered my question when I am a worthless person.  Even though I suffer with low self esteem and little confidence I know I'm not worthless. I simply blocked this person because when she has answered my questions she has been rude.  Blocking her doesn't stop here reading my answers but it stops her giving rude answers to my questions which usually don't answer my question either.  I find this disruptive and pointless.

Another person took it into her head that I was being spiteful based on my comment.  I don't know why she couldn't have just asked me instead of assuming I was just being spiteful.  I chose to ignore this comment:

"@Pip: How very sad you would "block" someone just because you do not like their answers. Did I say that I was the only one. No I just brought up an alternative way to look at the situation other than automatically jumping to the conclusion that the adoptive parents were automatically at fault. As for you and Frockney blocking me, go ahead. It will only prove that you do not have the courage of your conviction or and the ability to defend them. Ahhhh ain't censorship grand."

I don't block people because I don't like their answers as I usually ignore them.  Sometimes I report answers if they have been exceptionally rude / offensive / attacking.  I only have one person blocked and the others are multiple accounts owned by one person who is a troll.  I haven't block this person  as her remark was juvenile and jumping to conclusions.  I have relatives and friends who have adopted who are decent people.  I don't even lump all adoptive parents together on Y!A as most are decent people.  There may be times when I may disagree with them but I still respect them as they are decent nor do I expect them always to agree with me either.  With regard to the article I wasn't even blaming the scam for being victims.  I actually felt sorry for them.  What some people were missing the point on was that a baby was involved in the scam.  The article was based on how it affected the couple without a thought for the baby.

I also received a message from the same person who made some awful assumptions about me yet she should know me better from my answers on Y!A.  I will comment be some of the comments:

Maybe I wouldn't be so "madly" pro-adoption if you would realize that not all people aren't meant to be parents. ~  I have never, ever said that all parents who have children are meant to be parents.  Maybe this person is blinded by the fact that when I say that I also say there are adopters who should never had been allowed to adopt.

I don't even know why I am trying to explain this to you since you are so wrapped up in your own tragedy you can't see anything else but that. ~ I'm not wrapped up in my own tragedy.  It is a reality and a fact that should never have happened in the first place.

I really wish you would spend some times with some of these children, learn what real abandonment and fear is. ~ This is in reference of children who have been abused.  I have spent time with children  that have been abused.  One includes a 9 year old child who was abused by a babysitter.  Why this person should assume I have never spoken to an abused child is beyond me.  If she had asked politely she would have got a less heated response back from me.

I use to feel sorry for you..even though I thought you bore some responsibility..but now I don't. ~ I don't want her pity and have never wanted anybody's pity.  All I have ever wanted is for people to believe me.

You have revealed yourself to be as spiteful as anyone else. ~ I wasn't being spiteful and explained in my message why I blocked the person.  The person I blocked has made my life a misery for months by calling me a liar, repeatedly tells me she doesn't believe my story and has even accused me of being a troll with multiple accounts.  Every time I have politely defended myself only for her to turn it back on me and say I started it.  She has made a good job of playing the victim despite being picked up bullying me in the first place.  So, I have been put in my place like a naughty little girl that people can be spiteful towards me and I'm expected to rollover and take it.  Like a naughty little girl who is strong willed I shall carry on defending myself. 

I told you once before to seek help and to learn about forgiveness before it ate you up but you haven't. ~  Some people can be so arrogant.  She is not qualified to tell me to seek help which I did long before I ever went onto Y!A.  The counsellor I saw told me she learned from me on how to help mothers who have surrendered.  I gained far more from other mothers who have surrendered.  They were the ones who helped me learn how to cope and that it is okay to talk about my experiences.  Unfortunately some people want to shout me down and stop me from talking.  I don't understand why they see me as a threat.  It's acceptable for them to speak of their experiences so they should respect my right to speak as well.  My parents did a good job on me to silence me for 23 years.  Subsequently it took time for me to sort my head out.  I refuse to be silenced by faceless strangers who have crossed my path on the internet.  She also chooses to ignore the fact that I have publically forgiven those who have hurt me.  I asked her in my response whom I am supposed to forgive.  Not surprisingly I haven't had a response back nor go I expect one back.  What can I expect though from someone  who doesn't know me, hasn't got a clue what she is talking about and yet thinks she knowa me better than I know myself?
 Do you really think it is healthy to pick at your wounds every single day, over and over and over? ~ Sharing my experiences isn't licking my wounds, it's telling it as it is.  I might even educate someone along the line and it may encourage someone to parent instead of surrendering.

Get help Pip because whether or not you know it or realize it, this site is making you sicker. ~ This just made me laugh; if this is the best she can do then she obviously can't think of a good reason to warn me off.  

Saturday, 6 October 2012

It's the weekend and the trolls are out to play.

Yes that's right the weekend and the favourite time for the trolls to come out and play on Y!A.  It happened over night and I can rely on my favourite people letting me know.  We have our suspicions who it is and she has multiple accounts.  This time the fake member goes by the name 'Pip' which is very original and very conveniently the same name I use there and also the name people know me as online.  Nothing wrong with me doing that as it's the shortened version of my name.

This troll also decided to be clever by using basically the same avatar as me.  Her 'About me' is an attempt to mock me.  I've since changed my avatar so it will be interesting to see if she does the same.

 This is her 'About me' so anybody who knows me will know this is mocking me:

I'm a birth mother. I choose to give my son up and give him the shot at a great life. After reuniting with him years later I am very glad I made that decision as he is just not someone I particularly care for, I am certainly glad I didn't have to raise him LOL! Also, the choice to give my son up for adoption has freed up so many hours for me to post on internet forums and eat cheesecake, while most real parents have to spend their time doing that parenting crap I get to spend dozens of hours online everyday. Yay! I feel very strongly about adoption and believe that it is a very wonderful system providing unwanted children with loving, deserving families. 
It's incredible what extent some people will go to just to upset me.  It hasn't worked as this is just stupidity and very juvenile.  I have obviously got under this person's skin enough to try anything.  She has also got more time on her hands than I have to answer nine questions that I have answered.  I may spend hours at a time on the internet but at least I am doing something constructive such as being supportive at the same time.  We run several forums and the most popular one is the depression forums.  Not only am supportive but I have made lovely friends through it.
This question was the one that the troll gave the most juvenile answer:;_ylt=AlhF37yJhqBAvwzgabFfkC3sy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20121005075033AAC4UQy

Adoption: Would you do it why or why not? BQ questions?
1. Would you adopt, why or not?
2. Would you adopt first and then have biological kids, or have your kids first then adopt, or mix it up
3. How many kids would you adopt? Would you want them to be from the same mom or dad?
4. Would you adopt a boy or girl and why?
1. Would you adopt, why or not?
No, I don't care for other people, not even my own son.
2. Would you adopt first and then have biological kids, or have your kids first then adopt, or mix it up
Neither, had one bio and choose to give him up for adoption.
3. How many kids would you adopt? Would you want them to be from the same mom or dad?
None, that would take time away from all the hours I spend on Yahoo Answers.
4. Would you adopt a boy or girl and why?
I'm much too busy with my online forum posting to adopt children
I must be doing something right to be picked on although this is the most original way to date.  Others have done their bit by reporting the answers by this troll and so have I.  It wont stop me going onto Y!A either.  I have the philosophy that people can ignore me if they don't like my answers and if I get a reaction then I know they have read my answer.  It's a sad word that adoption is still be promoted, sold as wonderful and a win-win situation for everybody.  Financially the real winners are the adoption industry.  I'm not disputing whether abused children should be removed or not, they should be removed from their parents have the right to be raised by people who will love them  For some people they refuse to accept that adoption isn't always wonderful, it isn't always in the child's best interests, and, adoptees and mothers do suffer loss.

Wednesday, 3 October 2012

When is a mother not a real mother?

When she has surrendered a child according to the gospel of a woman is wants to be a foster mother and potentially adopt a foster child.  This is the 'wonderful' comment that left me shaking my head:

"A real mother (birthmother or adoptive mother), raises their kids."

Hmm I breathe in air, I eat food, drink fluids, I move so therefore I must be a real woman.  I also went through pregnancy, gave birth to my son and been a mother to him post reunion so therefore that makes me a mother.  Okay so really I am a fake throwaway mother.

"Where I live, birthmother just means someone that gave birth. I will continue to use that word. It is not offensive here, so I will continue to use it."

This is in reference to Y!A and plenty of people have said it's an offensive term there.  This person has absolutely no respect for anybody's feelings then wonders why she is attacked.  As far as she is concerned it's the correct term to use so therefore is fine to be disrespectful of a person's feelings.  The same person has even sunk low enough to accuse me of not knowing how to spell adopter ~ she spells it adoptor.     

"Therefore, adoptive mothers ARE real mothers. To say otherwise is offensive."

Personally I have never said adoptive mothers aren't real mothers.  What I generally say is adoptees have to real mothers; one that gives birth to the child and the other raises the child.  Just because a mother doesn't raise a child doesn't mean she isn't raising a child.  Adoption doesn't wipe the mother who has gone through pregnancy and given birth to a child.

This followed on in the rant:

"So, from now on, I will just refer to them as mothers and fathers."

Nothing wrong with that but can be confusing when someone is referring to natural parents and adoptive parents.  In the early years I used to refer to my son's adopters as his parents but then I had to clarify so after that I used the term adoptive parents.  My response to the person was to tell her to grow up.

This is a comment that she is starting to use more and more in her answers:

"Where I live, birthmother just means someone that gave birth. I will continue to use that word. It is not offensive here,"

I'm not sure whether she is just missing the point or deliberately posting it just to annoy people.  Everybody who goes on the adoption section of  Y!A knows the term is used for mothers who have surrendered. Maybe she is right but I don't know that as I don't know where she lives.

Of course if I could change history I would have raised my son.  I can't though and I don't see why I should be driven away from a site just because of the ignorance of one person.  I like a challenge anyway and it is interesting to see her change her answers to come across as more supportive to mothers making the right choice.  Unfortunately it is so easy to make her show her true colours.  Ir's a shame social workers (or whoever she's going through) doesn't see the answers she gives on Y!A.