Friday, 6 July 2012

The Media

It appears that I am damned if I go 'public' with my story and damned if I don't speak out.

Back in 2009 three articles were written and I got good feed back as they were 'feel good' articles about adoption and reunion.  These were followed through with interviews on This Morning (ITV), BBC South East News and BBC Radio Kent.

Recently the journalist did another article for the Daily Mail - - as a catch up.  This time it was about reunion failing so I expected negative feed back.  I am used to being attacked for being selfish, for making excuses and blaming others for my choices.  This is something I have had to deal with for eight years now.  It used to upset me but now it's like water of a duck's back as these people don't know or understand what I have been through.  It is beyond their comprehension that coerced / forced adoption happens today let alone back in the 1980's.  I would probably feel the same if I hadn't been through it.  After all why why social workers / adoption agencies lie to mothers?  The answer is quite simple the number of babies being surrendered has dropped dramatically in the UK since the 1970's when single mothers started to get  more support.

Only one person has managed to get my back up and that person should know me better as she does know my story.  The problem is that legally the journalist had to be careful what she wrote and how she worded the article.  She does know the full story from my point of view and she knows a bit from my son's point but she hasn't spoken to his adoptive parents.  It also goes further than that from a moral point of view that it wouldn't have been fair to tell it as it was as to how bad it was my son living with us.  There were faults on all sides.  I acknowledge that.  I apologised to my son time and time again.  He was 'never in the wrong', he was 'blameless' yet from my point of view I see a damaged man who is coming up for 31 years.  My son deserves respect for what he has been through nor is it his fault he was adopted.  He has no right, however, to continually blame other people for his behaviour.  He is an adult now.  We tried to help.  We excused his behaviour until I couldn't take any more and exploded.  We did the family counselling and got him counselling.  The problem is while my son is in denial we can't have a relationship because I'm the bad guy and I'm not good enough for him.  He knows I couldn't take any more due to exploding in the middle of the family counselling session and I came out with a few home truths.  It was the first time I ever saw him have nothing to say about his behaviour.  Normally he would turn it back on me and blame me.  It was always my fault.

The person who upset me is questioning my motives and in a negative way.  She is wrong.  I am NOT trying to put off people off searching.  I never said that nor was that printed in the article.  It is simply about a failed reunion and this does happen.  I have got to know people over the years who have had good reunions, bad reunions and others somewhere in between.  I am NOT trying to damage what others have done before me and will continue to do in the future.  It is simply one person's experience of reunion.  I DO support adoption reform.  I DO support everybody who wants the full truth of B.S.E. to be known, of coerced / forced adoptions being public knowledge.  After all I DO know what it is like.  I have had to live with it for almost 31 years.  Adopted adults and formerly fostered adults are entitled to be treated the same as non adopted people.  It is a sad day that I have to defend myself to the very people that know I have an understanding of what they have been through.  I have lived with it and have learned so much from people who were adopted / fostered.  I am NOT the bad guy here.  

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