Wednesday, 18 July 2012

Y!A first - my giggle for the day.

I am wondering if this a first for Y!A for some one to have a dig at me in their question BEFORE I even answer it @;_ylt=Apqrsb6guh3QjtIgHw8nN4IgBgx.;_ylv=3?qid=20120718104051AA97sAy .  I wasn't going to answer it and was simply having a look.  It actually made me laugh and just makes the person look stupid.  Personally I think this person is a troll and answered simply because she made me laugh.

This evening I went on the After Adoption forum for the first time in ages.   One of the reasons I don't go on there much is that the terms used for natural families really irritate the heck out of me.  For example the favourite one BM for birth mother then people wonder why some get so offended by it.  The members also go through periods of being nasty when attacking some one.  Nobody is going to agree all time but a little bit of respect goes a long way.  Apart from maybe one or two people nobody I used to get on with posts there any more any way.

I noticed the link for the Daily Mail was posted there and had a few responses.  These were very much 'middle of the road' comments which surprised me.  I responded with the background of the story and why I wont contact Anthony.  It gets back to his last malicious email to me threatening to take legal action if I did.  I only sent the one direct email to him letting him know my mum had died.  For weeks after I was terrified he would take out legal action.  I also worry that if I did have direct contact with him for a while that he would retaliate in a bad way if we then fell out again.  It's one of those cycles I really don't want to get into.

The reality is this hurts more than anything else that life chucks at me.  When depression gets that bad I have support in place.  Whenever I've had an accident and physically hurt myself the pain has gone away after a period of time.  The pain I feel for not being able to have a relationship with my only child is literally gut wrenching.  I feel as if my lungs are being squeezed tight as well to the point it hurts.  This makes me sound completely crazy but it is my life, my feelings.

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