Monday, 13 August 2012

Self indulgence

We have had our friends youngest son over since Thursday and he has been comical at times.  'Little man' as we affectionately call him is three years old, is still in nappies and he is 'behind' in his speech. His parents have been told he could be autistic.

Over the past couple of days I have been getting him on the toilet every 3 - 4 hours which seems to be doing the trick.  'Little man' wakes up with a wet nappy and doesn't do anything when I get him on the toilet first thing.  That doesn't bother me as he stays dry for the rest of the day.  It's become a bit of a game as he knows he gets a hug and a treat for using the toilet.

Each afternoon 'little man' has become extremely happy and funny which has lasted until he has fallen asleep.  We have found the trick to get him to sleep when we want him to sleep is for me to cuddle him.  It has been a little bit of self indulgence on my part as I never got to do this as my son was adopted and not having any more children.  I have enjoyed him snuggling in and cuddling me until he is asleep.  This evening 'little man' was even happier than usual so did every thing he could think off to stay awake including pinching himself.  He decided he was going to play with me and was shrieking with laughter as I gave into him.  If I stopped 'little man' would shout 'Pip' until I started playing with him again.  Eventually tiredness got the better of him and he did start yawning and calmed down.  I had to put him down though as he was fighting the tiredness.  Within about 15 minutes 'little man' gave in and was sound asleep.

It's at times like this that the ache of not raising my son hits me hard. 'Little man' has blue eyes the same as my son does which leaves me feeling a bit choked up at times like this. He has brown hair though whereas my son has blonde hair.  I wonder, when I play with him, what it would have been like raising my son.  What he was like at the same age?

In the past I found it hard to interact with friends sons.  It was too painful.  Maybe having been reunited has helped me to work through that.  My friends sons love spending time with us as we take them over the park and to the local locomotion museum.  The other two have bright ginger hair and aged 5 and 9 so very independent.  Of course these days I have to deal with the pain and sadness of knowing I will never know my grandson.  My son has made his feelings quite clear.  This is what adoption does, for us it has destroyed our lives and my son is allowing the cycle affect his son's life by not including one grandmother.

When will it stop? 

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