Sad

I haven't had any incentive to post here since the last post.   The feeling of being 'redundant' has been strong.  I feel worn out, worn down, useless, doubting myself because of comments directed at me.  Someone who has a special place recently made a comment that I wear my heart on a sleeve.  It is true.  Negative remarks about me stay in my head whereas as kind comments are hard to deal with.  It is probably a product of my life and being told how useless I was over the years.  I eventually got brainwashed that I am a useless waste of space who will never amount to anything.  I am 51 years old and what do I have to show for my life?

Mostly me being on a trail of self destruction because I felt that I didn't deserve a good life.   I have a son who hates me, a family that tolerates me and I rub some people up the wrong way.  I am also at the point of why do I bother standing my ground on what happened to me and my son being adopted.  It would be so easy to crumple and say "Okay, I have nobody to blame for my son being adopted except for myself,£ I can't though because it would stick in my throat.