Saturday, 15 June 2013

"Do you think parents who put up kids for adoption should be punished for it?"

This question frustrated the heck out of me and the source is at this link ~;_ylt=AuU6A5HVkzGMBHI511D4oFMWT31G;_ylv=3?qid=20130614185355AAoWIPe
"Do you think parents who put up kids for adoption should be punished for it?"

When I read this question my heart sank.  Sadly I was right to think it was either someone just out to stir the pot or simply spiteful.  I completely disagree with the question and would rather see every person who coerces a mother into surrendering be punished.

The person started of with this statement "... i hate adoption. lazy stupid careless dumb-assed females choose to produce kids when they know that they can't provide and ain't ready. then they unload their responsibility to someone else to take care of it."

A side note is that I must be showing my age as I was irritated by the poor grammar though out the question. 

Anyway the reasoning after the question was jaw dropping.  It's bad enough insulting mothers who have gone through an unplanned pregnancy.  To assume all mothers who surrender are lazy, stupid and dumb-ass is very rude.  This person doesn't know the circumstances behind mothers falling pregnant let alone what kind of people they are.  He or she is also assuming that they (I) unloaded their children (my son) off to someone else without a care in the world.  Nor does he or she knows whether all the mothers including me could or couldn't afford to raise our children or whether we were ready or not.

Even with planned children nobody can be fully prepared to raise their first child.  Parents don't have to wealthy to have children nor do they have to be in their mid twenties or older.  I openly admit my son wasn't planned but it didn't mean I wasn't ready or wasn't able to provide for him.  I knew right from the start I wanted to raise him.  I was also able to provide for him as I was working and I would have got Child Benefit as well. 

"they don't even give the kid to their close relatives but to a stranger even if their family got a spot. i can't understand how both the boy and girl's extended families lack a spot for a child. then some idiots are on drugs and beat their kids."

I wouldn't have wanted to give my son to my parents raise let alone strangers.  My desire was to parent.  I should have been supported in my choice to be a mother.  Had I been inclined not to parent I would have preferred my sister to be a legal guardian.  I didn't though I wanted to be a mother. 

My reality was that my parents didn't want my son in any of our lives.  If my mother had had her way she would have waved a magic wand and he would never have existed in the first place or I would have aborted him.  She never accepted him post reunion.  According to her I was nothing to him, she didn't want to understand why he wanted me in his life and his only family is his adoptive family.  He was the thorn in her side that fell out then came back 18 years later.  Shame she, my dad and sister couldn't be happy for me or him and delayed our reunion by five years.  My mother was the one who messed up, not me but in doing so she ruined our lives.  

".... if i were the president of the world, i would put the kid in a foster care, but then you should be behind bars for a decade............. for choosing drugs over child, choosing to have child when not ready..... and letting other people do your homework...."
This is the sort of thing I would expect an immature teen to come out with.  It is extremely immature and stupid to come out with such a suggestion.  It costs money for a child to be in care and to put mothers into jail.  A mother shouldn't be jailed just because she is a teen mother who may or may not have surrendered her child.  Money would be better spent on mothers raising their children until they can stand on their own two feet.  Not all mothers chose drugs over their children.  I am intelligent enough to know there are mothers like that.  There is a couple I know that chose drugs over their first two children who were then adopted,  However they changed their ways and are raising children now.  Most of the mothers I know were either coerced into surrendering or believed that they were doing the right thing.  Some regret it completely, others have good days and bad days.  Referring to raising children as homework is stupid.  Raising children can be hard but most parents never regret it because they love their children and wouldn't be without them due to the joy their children give them.  I only have to listen to my sister to know how proud she is of her children. 
".... it pisses me off when these dumb-assed adopted kids look for their stupid birth parents. i would never do that if u chose something else over me, i only acknowledge the one who raised me. what do u think?"
Well bully for him or her.  There is nothing good or right about sealed records, not having information on natural parents, amended birth certificates, lack of medical information.  Adopted children / adults are treated like second class citizens which is wrong.

".... on the issue of being raped, those people raped are the ones that put themselves in such situations. they hang out with wrong people bz they wan to be social. they move out at night yet they know the dangers. if u get pregnant from a rape, u should abort that kid when it is no less than 4 months if u don't want to be reminded constantly. that is fairly enough time, & if u choose to keep it when u're not ready, then u should go to jail."
This statement sickened me.  Nobody deserves to be raped.  A child isn't asking for it if she is babysat by a male, a woman should be able to walk alone without fear of being raped.  Hanging out with the wrong crowd doesn't excuse rape.  A woman shouldn't be forced to abort because she was raped.  It should be her choice and if she wants to raise her child who is just as much a victim then she should be supported in her choice.  Why should victims be punished for the crimes of their rapists?

"i think those teens who get pregnant should be sentenced to jail time or some long hours of community service, that would reduce teen pregnancies cos some just want to get babies they can't afford"
Again a stupid, cruel suggestion to come out with.  It would be unfair on the mother and her child nor would it solve anything.


In this day and age it's sad to see terrible views on teenage pregnancy and adoption.  In an ideal would nobody would be raped or abused.  All children would be wanted by their parents and family.  Mothers would also be encouraged to parent.

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