Monday, 5 January 2015

Does DNA matter?

On Y!A it is sometiomes chucked 'out there' that DNA doesn't matter.  It does annoy me as nobody has the right to say that unless they are speaking about themselves.  Just going on medical information it is important but it doesn't mean necessarily mean family will get on.

I know from personal experience that DNA is 100% important.  For many years I said my family made The Addams Family look normal.  From the outside looking in we looked and behaved like a perfectly normal family.  Behind closed doors the cracks started appearing when I got to my teens.  This was also when I felt like the odd one out, the ugly duck living with swans, the cuckoo in the nest.  I had my moments when I wished I was adopted so I wouldn't have to suffer being such a disappointment.  Of course at that point I didn't know how much of a sensitive subject adoption could be. 

Now I have a much better understanding from a personal point of view.  Being pregnant at 19 years old I began to understand what real love is.  If the truth be known that was a little part of why I wanted to be a mother.  I already loved the baby inside of me and knew instinctively I could be a good mother.  It wasn't to be thanks to my 'wonderful' parents.  By this time a couple of people got glimpses as to what my parents particularly my mum were like. They were careless, at times, of what they said.

It's soul destroying not to raise a child.  The only people who understand are those who have been through the same experience. I have been at the receiving end of it with people either not knowing what to say or come out with some stupid comment.  The last time this happened to me was several months ago.  Rick had told a friend about me being forced to surrender.  He then brought it up in a bible study evening.  One of our other friends didn't say anything and the other did.  She is a lovely lady who is a sprightly 80.  I got lines along "Well you was young", "You didn't have a choice" and "It was the right thing to do.".  I didn't want to hurt her feelings so gritted my teeth and gently told her the truth of what really happened and I haven't seen someone shut up then change the subject so quickly in a long time.

Connecting with Anthony was scary as it unlocked all my emotions.  We are so much alike it is as if I had raised him.  DNA has mattered with us and not just for medical information.  He knows where he gets his looks from, likes, dislikes and so on.  Unfortunately he has major adoption issues and some people I know believe he is a nacissist so our reunion was doomed before it started.

Due to recent events ~ getting a copy of my mum's will ~ has put me back in the same situation I was in 1999.  I had a massive row with my sister who was doing the uasual of accusing me of doing things I hadn't.  I was so angry and frustrated at my family I told her I didn't want to speak to any of them again.  Late 2001 I started contact with my parents but I didn't talk to my sister for 12 years and that was only because my mum died.  For a long time I had been the black sheep of the family, the family outcast.  Getting back in touch with my parents just papered over the large cracks.

Due to finding out what was in my mum's will is enough for me to say I am throwing in the towel.  I was expecting to be cut out and I have been.  I am finally admitting that DNA doesn't matter with me any more.  There is no way I want anything to do with my family now, they are nothing to do with me now.  My real family are my in laws, friends and my church family.  

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