The Bump

No I am not cracking up ... yet ... nor I am referring to a popular dance from my mis-spent youth.  Out of need to have a break from working on our websites I decided to get light relief on Y!A.  There was one of the usual 'preying for expectant mothers considering adoption' questions.  Usual stuff of of TTC and wanting to be a mother sooner rather later.  One of the members gave this link http://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/4236700/ShowForum.aspx and recommended it as a good place to go.  It wasn't so much her answer that bothered me as she did add that it would be easier to adopt an older or even younger child than a baby.  What got my hackles up are some of the posts on it as some of the attitudes are exactly the type that give the adoptive parents and potential adopters a bad name.  What makes it worse is that they really do seem to believe there is nothing wrong with what they are coming out with.

This for starters http://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/67032812.aspx and am only quoting the last bit as my jaw dropped.

"Of course, we're already praying we don't get the crazy judge (look, I know he's wanting to look out for the kids, but every 6 months UNTIL THEY'RE 18?!? 3 trips back to Uganda, probably before our child is really old enough for that to be really meaningful?)."

A cringeworthy award for this pic on this thread  http://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/66856364.aspx

Vomit bucket for this one http://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/66852671.aspx and 'wonderful' quote from it:

"Even though our baby isn't here yet I've been thinking about writing him a letter for a long time.  Just to tell him what's going on right now, about our meetings with his birthparents and how excited we are for him to get here. "

...and....

"Do you/will you write letters to your child before or after they are placed with you?  Did you/will you take any pictures before the child is actually here? "

Don't you just love the sense of entitlement of a parent's child before the child is born let alone before they can sign away their rights.

This is the last of my favourite 'pass the vomit bucket' moments for the night as I'm tired http://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/66811665.aspx with regards to 'our BM' .... yes you have read it right 'our BM' aka bowel movement aka possession:

" We just received from our lawyer today our BM's sonogram pictures that she wanted us to have.  What a sweet gesture.  We have made plans to meet her two weeks from today and I am so looking forward to meeting this person who has been working on an adoption plan for her child and wants DH and me to be the parents."

Time flying by

Time has flown by over the past week.  On Monday it felt as if we didn't stop and to really cheer me up I sprained my ankle in the evening.  We were visiting a friend and I slipped outside his front door as the ground was very slippy.  I'm still in pain with it and my ankle swells up quickly when I walk.

The past week I have been spending too much time on Y!A again.  It's back to the predictable questions including the 'I only want to adopt a baby and I want to adopt now', 'why are people so anti-adoption' and the 'I'm giving up my baby to adoption how will I feel afterwards'  questions. The people who are desperate to adopt irritate me because they really don't get it how offensive their questions are.  They are the first ones to want to sell themselves and in the next breath have a low opinion of mothers who have surrendered. 

The people who can't understand why anybody can be anti-adoption are usually people who haven't been directly affected by adoption.  They tend to be very huffy about any negative comments by those who have been affected by adoption.  We are the ones who have to live with adoption so our comments should be taken seriously.

The third question I can understand because these expectant mothers want to prepare themselves.  The odd one will slip through that doesn't like answers.  There was one day and I am fairly certain she is British and seems to be very positive about surrendering but is clueless about adoption in the UK.  I pointed out she couldn't consent to surrender until her baby is six weeks, and, potential adoptive parents have to be approved first.  I got the impression from information given she thinks she can do a private adoption but private adoption is illegal in the UK.

There is so much information on the internet about adoption yet the same old rubbish seems to be spouted.  Attitudes don't seem to be changing either.

Pulling my hair out

I have had better days.  Although for a change my depression hasn't been the main cause of it.  On the bright side we got the car this morning so it's a luxury at the moment to be mobile.  It's made the dogs happy as well as they like travelling.  It will make life so much easier when we go shopping as well.

Today I seem to have been spending half my day on a forum I run.  Two of the members have fallen out and I can see both points of views.  It's sad as they are both good people who have been a good support mechanism there.   Neither wants to post so I'm hoping the situation calms down soon as it would be a crying shame if neither came back to the forum.

It took my mind off one of those questions on Y!A which normally makes me vent.  It was one of those questions where the person posting it is very uneducated about surrendering.  She was basically trying to sell herself and her husband as wonderful potential adopters who would like to adopt a baby from a mother who wanted to give her baby awaay through adoption.  These types of people think it is so easy to surrender a baby without actually researching the subject.  It is very rare for a mother to surrender a child and not have regrets afterwards.  It happens but it's not the norm. In this dayand age there is so much literature, blogs and forums that are adoption related that it never ceases to amaze me that potential adopters don't do their homework. 

http://www.forgottenmothersuk.org.uk