A new royal baby born.....

My interest amounted to only wanting to know what sex the baby is. It's not that I'm not interested as much as the news coverage is OTT as usually.  The idiotic comments have been coming out such as the baby hasn't been named yet.  Well how the heck does anybody know whether he has got a name yet.

On a more personal level it makes me sad.  Sad that I didn't raise my only child.  Sad that he thinks so little of me that I'm not even allowed to know my grandson's name let alone when he was born.  It is just another of those knives in the heart for me.

Every time  I hear or read someone spouting how wunnerful adoption is I want to smash my fist through my laptop or hit a wall.  When these people live the painful side of adoption let them spout how wonderful adoption is then.  But it is unlikely they ever will.

I have been severely depressed since the beginning of March which hasn't helped.   The reasons I have been depressed haven't even been specifically adoption related,   The cycle has been the usual outside influences getting me down as I have been dragged into their problems.  We have a neighbour from hell who has been usual me as his target for hate.  I have also had triggers by things that have been said in general and the people involved haven't realized they have triggered me.  It has come to the stage of ever decreasing circles with even less periods of being happy.  I have forgotten what it is like to be truly happy as it's been so long.  I am struggling more and more with suicidal thoughts and have given up talking about it as I know I'm not being taken seriously.  It's a good thing I'm not a betting person as I wouldn't want to chance making a bet on how I die.  I am simply keeping a record here now and have posted on a forum regularly with regards to my battle.  It is a stand I have to make from today of the devastating effect adoption has had on me.

A few adoption terms

Tummy mommy ~ is a worthy of a Cringe Award.  It is sickly sweet and cutesy.  I first saw the term being used on a forum and it just rubbed me up the wrong way even though it was used in the context of a natural mother.  It's one of those terms that is meant to be endearing but not the best of ways to describe a mother who isn't raising her child.  It's crept onto Y!A but hopefully not for long.

Birth giver ~ This one is slightly better than birth mother but will never be a winner.  If it was used in general terms it wouldn't bother me at all as all mothers give birth.  What makes it offensive is the connotations in regards to adoption and the mother who surrenders a baby.  There is nothing nice about it and that the mother is second best or not a good enough mother to raise her own child.  It;s a new one on me and is being used now on Y!A

Breeder ~ This is what I feel like when referred to as a birth mother. I have never liked the term, never will.  The term breeder rears its ugly head in different places on the internet.  

Birth vessel ~ Again this is another new term that's appeared on Y!A.  There is absolutely nothing nice about the term.  It is incredible that anybody thinks this is an acceptable term  Birth vessel is a very cold term that dehumanizes mothers.

Daddy's baby gel ~ I saw this term today and found it very creepy.  Would be happy never to see it again.

Paper pregnant ~ Whoever invented this term didn't realize how ridiculous it is.  Nobody can be paper pregnant.  I understand the origin of the term but it doesn't take into account mothers who change their minds.  Does that mean potential adopters have a paper failure when the adoption doesn't happen?  Definiteley food for thought.

Pulling my hair out

I have had better days.  Although for a change my depression hasn't been the main cause of it.  On the bright side we got the car this morning so it's a luxury at the moment to be mobile.  It's made the dogs happy as well as they like travelling.  It will make life so much easier when we go shopping as well.

Today I seem to have been spending half my day on a forum I run.  Two of the members have fallen out and I can see both points of views.  It's sad as they are both good people who have been a good support mechanism there.   Neither wants to post so I'm hoping the situation calms down soon as it would be a crying shame if neither came back to the forum.

It took my mind off one of those questions on Y!A which normally makes me vent.  It was one of those questions where the person posting it is very uneducated about surrendering.  She was basically trying to sell herself and her husband as wonderful potential adopters who would like to adopt a baby from a mother who wanted to give her baby awaay through adoption.  These types of people think it is so easy to surrender a baby without actually researching the subject.  It is very rare for a mother to surrender a child and not have regrets afterwards.  It happens but it's not the norm. In this dayand age there is so much literature, blogs and forums that are adoption related that it never ceases to amaze me that potential adopters don't do their homework. 

http://www.forgottenmothersuk.org.uk

Coercion and it's changing methods

The Baby Scoop Era is hardly a period of social history that will be remembered in a good light.  So many mothers lost their babies to adoption for no better reason that society wouldn't accept young, single mothers could be good mothers.  It was something ro be ashamed off, brushed under the carpet and for these young mothers to get on with their lives as if nothing had happened.

It started after World War II and ended in the 1970's with Roe v Wade being a part of this.  Millions of mothers in Canada and the USA alone were separated from their babies. In Australia and the UK thousands of mothers were also separated from their babies.

Illegitimacy was frowned upon and society influenced by social work thought the large majority of unmarried mothers were made better off being separated by adoption from their newborn babies. Mothers were made to feel that adoption was the only option, that they didn't have a choice.

Social pressures that led to unmarried pregnant white girls and women believing the main chance for attaining home and marriage rested on their acknowledging their shame and guilt.  This included required relinquishing of  their children.

There was a decline in infant adoptions beginning in the early 1970s,  which also partially resulted from social and legal changes that enabled mothers to choose single motherhood.

In the UK mothers started getting more support from their families and were told what their rights were. Abortions have been legal since 1967 in the UK but it wasn;t until the early 1970's that attitudes started to change. However ways of coercing mothers into surrendering their babies changed.  From my own experience I was told I would be selfish to raise my son.  I was also threatened with being made homeless, that I wouldn't be able to rent a home, I would lose my job because I was homeless.  Constantly I was told I wouldn't receive benefits because I intentionally lost my job and I wouldn't be able to get social housing.  I believed everything I was told because this was coming from people I trusted.  It never occurred to me they could be lying.

Coercion still goes on with adoption being made out to be so wonderful for everybody involved.

http://www.forgottenmothersuk.org.uk