Wednesday, 27 June 2012

Dear God, I want to die

This is a prayer I have spoken many times over almost over 31 years now  It isn't asked out of self pity, it is asked out of my reasoning.  I have 'served a purpose'.  I was lied into surrendering my son and he doesn't want to know me anymore.  I have no purpose in this life anymore as I supplied a couple with a baby even though they could have their own.  My family hates me.  I was a mother who believed the lies told by my mother, these lies included:

You choose your son, you choose to be kicked out by us (parents)
You choose your son, you choose to be homeless
You choose your son, you choose to to lose your job
You choose your son, you choose to be denied the right to benefits and being rehomed
You choose your son you choose the right to be denied the right to help from anybody so you will lose our son anyway

I believed the lies so I lost my son because the social worker chose not to tell me that my mum was lying to me.  I have to live with being naive, for not questioning my rights, for being an 'abandoner' simply for not knowing my rights.  My son hates me and I cannot put it right so I have lost the right to know anything about my grandson.  I have lost the will to live.  He hate me that much  he blocked me on Facebook but doesn't know that I have a new account so can see his account and I haven't attempted to contact him as I fear the repercussions.


  1. Please do not hurt yourself. That allows the adoption industry to win. I can't imagine how much pain you are in right now, and I am sorry. People care about you.

  2. Thank you, I am remembering to take one breathe a time.

  3. I've been there. And you're's one minute, one breath at a time until you finally start seeing the light. I'm with Linda...don't let the Industry win. I have you in my thoughts.

  4. As long as moms and their stolen children speak out, and refuse to be silenced anymore, we will be able, someday, to stop this industry of stealing children for profit by state and private agencies. We will put an end to the lies