Sunday, 10 June 2012

Feeling sorry for myself....

The past few weeks have been tough going and I wonder 'why me' at times. I am hoping I am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. It has been hard to focus on the positives instead of the negatives. I'm just glad I have my pets to cheer me up. Tasha loves coming out for the last walk with the dogs which means I end up spending at least have the walk tripping over her. The dogs don't help as they try to play with her.

It takes my mind off adoption when I have happy adoption free times. It's difficult to get away from the subject though as I have friends that are affected by adoptions and I'm regularly reading emails from people on the subject. It is inter-woven into my life and sometimes I wish I could be back to the denial times. Life wasn't easier but adoption didn't seem to take over every waking moment. I avoided dealing with my own emotions.

I know I could have refused to do another article about my own story. Something inside me finds it hard to say 'no' so maybe it is my way of dealing with my emotions. I also have had a positive feedback from going 'public'. It is difficult for so many people to talk openly about their own experiences. Some people have told me it is shame that stops them and the blieve that other people will either not believe them or look down on them. This time round I 'm not sure I am doing the right thing. It's horrible feeling like this particularly after all the time it took to make me up for the photographs then the time it took to take all the photographs. Time will tell as I'm not sure if I'm feeling like because of depression or what!

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